mewtwowarrior (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mewtwowarrior) wrote2010-11-05 12:34 am
mewtwowarrior) wrote2010-11-05 12:34 am
Entry tags:
NaNoWriMo: Chapter 9
Just finished level 08/Chapter 9 of my Portal novelization. Another short chapter. *sigh* I feel like it's already bogged down with so much blahblahblah, but I feel that maybe my descriptions aren't clear. :< I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I write what I think is best, but I don't know if that is good enough, I honestly can't tell. :<
I'd really love advice/crit/comments on this and any of the other chapters. I feel like I'm losing my way and heart. I'm gonna continue, but I'm questioning what I'm doing. I enjoy it when I'm writing, but then when I go back and look at it and the word count and the word count isn't good and then I go into a spiral of angst. Though, I am getting used to pathetic word counts, so it's not bothering me quite as much. But I really want to get the 50,000 words. *woe* I don't want to be a failure, but I don't want to screw the story up with unnecessary babble, but I want it to be clear and make sense.
I'd love for any of my friends not familiar with Portal to maybe glance through and see if they can understand what's going on. I want it to be clear for everybody.
I think I have an okay word count to take me through the weekend, I won't have any time to write with the convention, and I probably need a de-stress break from my angstpile.
Anyways, if you have any crit or advice for this chapter, please let me know!
Chapter notes:
08
-Messed up and forgot to capitalize Grid at the end of the previous chapter AGAIN. :|
-I don't know if the deathtrap floor liquid actually smells or not. It looks like nasty paint and steam rises off of it now and then, it is disgusting. XD I'm willing to bet it smells awful. XD
- D: I think I got my left and right mixed up again. *woe*
-Did she figure out the task too quickly? I thought it'd be boring to have her try again and again, and it also shows her intelligence.
-Shorttt chapter againnnn. *flails*
-lol, it's one word shorter than the previous one.
-Outside Resources:
http://half-life.wikia.com/wiki/Aperture_Science_High_Energy_Pellet
Chell wasn't in the elevator long when it reached the next chamber. There was a hallway ahead of her leading to an open room. The exit was straight across from where she was.
It looked like any other chamber she had in, with one key difference. There was some kind of awful smell floating through the air. Chell wrinkled her nose in distaste. What in the world was it?
She walked out of the elevator, glancing around. Everything in this area seemed normal; the smell must be coming from the main section.
Chell made her way down the hallway; it widened out in the middle and then thinned back down again. The wider middle section was blank to the right and had an information screen on the left.
When Chell drew close, the screen lit up with a hum.
Before she could inspect it further, the voice gave her some new information. "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!"
She recoiled in horror at this revelation. So there now was another way to die in the chambers. First the energy pellet and now death floors.
The death floor was a new addition, so that meant it was most likely the source of the stench.
She turned her attention back to the board to see what it had to say about this chamber.
On the first row of squares, the last three were highlighted. The first two of these were the ones with the energy Pellet. The third was a picture of a stick person up to their neck in water with squiggly lines coming from each of the four corners. It looked as if the figure was being electrocuted while floating. So the death floor was some kind of liquid that would shock you. Pleasant.
The second row of squares only had one highlighted picture. This one showed a circle with a diagonal line through it over a picture of a stick figure drinking out of a water fountain. Obviously it was telling you to not drink the water. If the water killed you by mere touch, why would you even think about drinking it? The warning seemed unnecessary.
Well, she better get on with it, the longer she stood around, the longer she had to smell the disgusting stink.
She turned and continued down the hallway. The grey floor ended and a metal grid one began. The metal grid was sticking out of the wall with a guardrail around it.
Chell stood on the bizarre balcony and looked out over the main part of the chamber. Below her was the death floor. It was a slowly swirling mass of reds, greens, and yellows. It looked like several different kinds of paint had spilled and putrefied. Every so often, Chell thought she saw a faint wisp of steam roiling off of the sludge and into the air. Here, right above the toxic pool, the stench was nearly overpowering.
The right wall attached to the balcony was blank, but father on down towards the exit, there were several things of interest.
The first thing she saw was an unmoving Unstationary Scaffold that seemed to lead towards the door. There was a blue dotted line that lead from it to an energy Pellet container. The wall behind the container was the odd metal surface.
To her left, beside the metal balcony, was a Pellet-releasing dome. She watched the Pellet as it bounced around. It made 3 full bounces and was close to ricocheting again when it exploded.
On the left wall, past the dome, was an orange portal that had a platform that was lifted up on a silver pedestal.
Even further down the wall was a long window that looked like it was close to across from the Pellet collector.
There were burn marks on the small wall opposite the Pellet launcher from where the Pellets had pinged against in their constant bouncing movement.
It would be a little tricky to accomplish the goal here. The Pellets moved quickly, so she'd have to move the blue portal faster, in order to move the Pellet where she wanted it to go.
First, Chell took aim at the scorch mark, that was where the Pellet was going, and the only option she had in order to transport it. She fired a blue portal and waited for the Pellet to make its way to it.
The Pellet sailed through the blue portal and out the orange one. She watched as the Pellet bounced against the wall, leaving a burnt space and back towards the orange portal.
Since the Pellet container had the useful feature of shining a red-orange light on the surface opposite of it, she was able to easily aim the portal gun and create a portal right across from the catcher.
The Pellet made its way towards its destination, and upon arriving in the collector, it was greeted with blue electricity and was contained.
Now that the Pellet was in place, the Unstationary Scaffold started moving towards the exit.
There were no connecting platforms to the Scaffold, so the only option was to get there by portals.
Since the orange portal was already in place and was unable to be moved, she'd have to use two blue portals to arrive safely at the Scaffold.
Chell turned to her right and created a blue portal at the first available wall space. She walked through and found herself on the orange portal's platform, across from her destination.
She then made a new blue portal slightly above the Scaffold's docking point, then turned around to observe through the orange portal.
If she missed the Scaffold, she'd fall to a nasty, sludgy, and probably painful death. That wasn't an option, so she was going to be as careful as possible.
Once the Scaffold paused briefly at its station, Chell quickly walked into the orange portal and out of the blue, stepping onto the glass platform.
Her goal was nearly in reach, she was riding on the path to victory.
As the Scaffold grew near to the metal balcony on the opposite side, the voice spoke again, "Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience."
Chell snorted slightly at this. She didn't care if her testing experience was enhanced or not, she just wanted to get out of this ordeal alive. If she was lucky, there wouldn't be any more of the sludge pits, but she wasn't getting her hopes up. At least she was getting used to its stench.
Once the Scaffold reached the metal balcony, Chell disembarked and walked briskly through the grid and into the waiting elevator.
Chapter Word Count: 1,138
Total Word Count: 11,363
I'd really love advice/crit/comments on this and any of the other chapters. I feel like I'm losing my way and heart. I'm gonna continue, but I'm questioning what I'm doing. I enjoy it when I'm writing, but then when I go back and look at it and the word count and the word count isn't good and then I go into a spiral of angst. Though, I am getting used to pathetic word counts, so it's not bothering me quite as much. But I really want to get the 50,000 words. *woe* I don't want to be a failure, but I don't want to screw the story up with unnecessary babble, but I want it to be clear and make sense.
I'd love for any of my friends not familiar with Portal to maybe glance through and see if they can understand what's going on. I want it to be clear for everybody.
I think I have an okay word count to take me through the weekend, I won't have any time to write with the convention, and I probably need a de-stress break from my angstpile.
Anyways, if you have any crit or advice for this chapter, please let me know!
Chapter notes:
08
-Messed up and forgot to capitalize Grid at the end of the previous chapter AGAIN. :|
-I don't know if the deathtrap floor liquid actually smells or not. It looks like nasty paint and steam rises off of it now and then, it is disgusting. XD I'm willing to bet it smells awful. XD
- D: I think I got my left and right mixed up again. *woe*
-Did she figure out the task too quickly? I thought it'd be boring to have her try again and again, and it also shows her intelligence.
-Shorttt chapter againnnn. *flails*
-lol, it's one word shorter than the previous one.
-Outside Resources:
http://half-life.wikia.com/wiki/Aperture_Science_High_Energy_Pellet
Chell wasn't in the elevator long when it reached the next chamber. There was a hallway ahead of her leading to an open room. The exit was straight across from where she was.
It looked like any other chamber she had in, with one key difference. There was some kind of awful smell floating through the air. Chell wrinkled her nose in distaste. What in the world was it?
She walked out of the elevator, glancing around. Everything in this area seemed normal; the smell must be coming from the main section.
Chell made her way down the hallway; it widened out in the middle and then thinned back down again. The wider middle section was blank to the right and had an information screen on the left.
When Chell drew close, the screen lit up with a hum.
Before she could inspect it further, the voice gave her some new information. "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!"
She recoiled in horror at this revelation. So there now was another way to die in the chambers. First the energy pellet and now death floors.
The death floor was a new addition, so that meant it was most likely the source of the stench.
She turned her attention back to the board to see what it had to say about this chamber.
On the first row of squares, the last three were highlighted. The first two of these were the ones with the energy Pellet. The third was a picture of a stick person up to their neck in water with squiggly lines coming from each of the four corners. It looked as if the figure was being electrocuted while floating. So the death floor was some kind of liquid that would shock you. Pleasant.
The second row of squares only had one highlighted picture. This one showed a circle with a diagonal line through it over a picture of a stick figure drinking out of a water fountain. Obviously it was telling you to not drink the water. If the water killed you by mere touch, why would you even think about drinking it? The warning seemed unnecessary.
Well, she better get on with it, the longer she stood around, the longer she had to smell the disgusting stink.
She turned and continued down the hallway. The grey floor ended and a metal grid one began. The metal grid was sticking out of the wall with a guardrail around it.
Chell stood on the bizarre balcony and looked out over the main part of the chamber. Below her was the death floor. It was a slowly swirling mass of reds, greens, and yellows. It looked like several different kinds of paint had spilled and putrefied. Every so often, Chell thought she saw a faint wisp of steam roiling off of the sludge and into the air. Here, right above the toxic pool, the stench was nearly overpowering.
The right wall attached to the balcony was blank, but father on down towards the exit, there were several things of interest.
The first thing she saw was an unmoving Unstationary Scaffold that seemed to lead towards the door. There was a blue dotted line that lead from it to an energy Pellet container. The wall behind the container was the odd metal surface.
To her left, beside the metal balcony, was a Pellet-releasing dome. She watched the Pellet as it bounced around. It made 3 full bounces and was close to ricocheting again when it exploded.
On the left wall, past the dome, was an orange portal that had a platform that was lifted up on a silver pedestal.
Even further down the wall was a long window that looked like it was close to across from the Pellet collector.
There were burn marks on the small wall opposite the Pellet launcher from where the Pellets had pinged against in their constant bouncing movement.
It would be a little tricky to accomplish the goal here. The Pellets moved quickly, so she'd have to move the blue portal faster, in order to move the Pellet where she wanted it to go.
First, Chell took aim at the scorch mark, that was where the Pellet was going, and the only option she had in order to transport it. She fired a blue portal and waited for the Pellet to make its way to it.
The Pellet sailed through the blue portal and out the orange one. She watched as the Pellet bounced against the wall, leaving a burnt space and back towards the orange portal.
Since the Pellet container had the useful feature of shining a red-orange light on the surface opposite of it, she was able to easily aim the portal gun and create a portal right across from the catcher.
The Pellet made its way towards its destination, and upon arriving in the collector, it was greeted with blue electricity and was contained.
Now that the Pellet was in place, the Unstationary Scaffold started moving towards the exit.
There were no connecting platforms to the Scaffold, so the only option was to get there by portals.
Since the orange portal was already in place and was unable to be moved, she'd have to use two blue portals to arrive safely at the Scaffold.
Chell turned to her right and created a blue portal at the first available wall space. She walked through and found herself on the orange portal's platform, across from her destination.
She then made a new blue portal slightly above the Scaffold's docking point, then turned around to observe through the orange portal.
If she missed the Scaffold, she'd fall to a nasty, sludgy, and probably painful death. That wasn't an option, so she was going to be as careful as possible.
Once the Scaffold paused briefly at its station, Chell quickly walked into the orange portal and out of the blue, stepping onto the glass platform.
Her goal was nearly in reach, she was riding on the path to victory.
As the Scaffold grew near to the metal balcony on the opposite side, the voice spoke again, "Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience."
Chell snorted slightly at this. She didn't care if her testing experience was enhanced or not, she just wanted to get out of this ordeal alive. If she was lucky, there wouldn't be any more of the sludge pits, but she wasn't getting her hopes up. At least she was getting used to its stench.
Once the Scaffold reached the metal balcony, Chell disembarked and walked briskly through the grid and into the waiting elevator.
Chapter Word Count: 1,138
Total Word Count: 11,363